“We die to who we used to be and are reborn as who we are, thus rising above the consciousness of darkness, ignorance and death.” ~ Marianne Williamson
Happy Easter! Today, I break out of my shell, still messy and sticky, moving awkwardly. I turn my gaze away from the world I saw yesterday, while trapped in darkness and working like a chicken stuck in an egg, determined to rule the day and break free of the prison I believed I created and must take responsibility for.
I scratched, pushed, punched, ran, resisted, rationalized, strategized, agonized, and affirmed the light I couldn’t see. I gathered tools and practiced techniques.
Still, I sat in darkness surrounded by walls. All by myself. And all the voices out there.
I prayed. Insistently. Desperately.
God smiled.
Not because the Benevolent Creator needs my petition, but because I so often prayed to be removed from my circumstances. I prayed to be saved from my predicament.
Something in me knew better. I was where I needed to be, where I was meant to be, but damn, it wasn’t easy.
I was not yet ready for the world out there, beyond my shell, which kept me safe. And stuck.
My egg served as an alchemical chamber. I lost my mind. I lost my identity.
Love nourished me. Beneath the magnificent and bullshit layers, Love whispered: You’ve got this. You’re safe. You’re held. You’re loved.
You are LOVE.
I slept on that, went to the depths on that. Inside my shell, I found a cave and transformed into a mermaid.
I swam naked and free in my feminine essence, after having developed a fear and resentment of mortal men.
I found a treasure chest of jewels the Wise Ones said had always belonged to me. I danced with Tanzanite Purple and Black Pearl. I dropped my flip-flops and found I had a tail.
I made vows to keep the treasures safe and pass them on to future generations. I became She Who Remembers, inducted inside the Wisdom Chamber.
A mirror reflected my radiance. I turned to be greeted by big dogs and cool cats swimming in the cave with me–playing, teasing, fetching, and resting. They revealed themselves as my Master Teachers.
As if a sunroof opened, from a place beyond, golden light showered into the cave, sparkly and inviting but soothing and seductively intoxicating.
I fell into a deep sleep.
I awoke on Easter morning, swept up my peeled shells, and watched them turn into stardust.
I walked with the Golden Retriever. We smiled and sat in the sunshine together. I felt lighter.
I prayed: THANK YOU! I’m ready.
Alice in Authorland 