Life is smooth sailing followed by hurricanes. Everyone will have hurricanes. Or not. Some people seem to have gotten a permission slip from God to travel the smoother road. It’s not that they don’t experience the daily struggles of being human.

However, as an example, let’s compare my little sister Emily to her friend I’ll call Frida. My little sister has a nice life with three great kids and a husband who totally rocks. They’ve got faith and success like they followed a recipe.

On the other hand, friend Frida has brain cancer. That’s bad. Could there be anything scarier than doctors cutting on your brain? Then, Frida’s baby died. They say losing a child is the worst. And a baby who’s born just enough hope in a family to make you believe life’s getting better? Fucking ouch! It might make the other child’s gluten issues seem small, but really, more issues? Then, more brain cancer?! It returns? Are you fucking kidding me?! Do we chalk this up to ridiculously bad luck?

I recently read Destiny of Souls. That book offers me the easiest to swallow answer to why some people suffer extraordinary hardships while others seem to collect blessings. The book says souls choose before coming to earth. Can I buy that? Does it resonate with me? Did I choose this? My sister would say absolutely not!

But, how is it we both knew my brother Bill would die young? He never seemed to have regrets. His motto remained “Life’s a party.” What about my mom? When she had cancer, I asked her if she wanted to do anything, like go to Europe. She said, “Oh honey, I’ve done everything.” (She hadn’t been to Europe!) One psychic said my mom didn’t know she could change things.

So, anyhow, did I choose this life, to be born into this body and these circumstances? What do I see? Why might I have chosen this path? What is it I’m trying to learn?

As a child, I struggled. I didn’t feel loved. Maybe I was, but I didn’t feel it. Even then, I was angry at injustice. I learned to love others unconditionally, but I was hard on myself. Eventually, I learned to give myself the kind of love I sought and when I did, I attracted real love. The truth is, I’ve been blessed with much love and found my way through a lot of loss.

Lessons: 1) Love yourself. 2) Be true to yourself. 3) Change and loss happen throughout life; that’s how we grow. 4) Choose to grow. 5) Help others up when they fall, not through advice, but with presence. 6) Hone your gifts and share them with the world. That’s your destiny.

So, I believe I have a destiny. I don’t really know why some people get brain cancer or why one woman would be raped three different times or why some people live charmed lives. For years, I looked for the skeletons or hardships in everybody’s closet, especially those who seemed happy and successful. Now, I just believe people have different paths. Period. Living mine to the best of my ability and respecting others’ is what I find important. I find it to be my destiny, the destiny of my soul.