Some of you don’t know me, so you’ve never seen me bounce before. But, I’ve been paying attention to the way I redirection.
Sometimes, I left relationships because I knew the break-up wouldn’t break me; it would remake me. I’d be different once the deed was done.
Or, after the death of those I love took me into agony and anguish until I wished I didn’t exist. I threw myself into the fire of despair.
In desperation, I surrender to a will other than my own. After attempting responsibility and landing on my ass, I tend to prayed like this: Oh, you’re right. I should’ve turned back there. Can you please tell me where to go from here? Because I have no fucking clue. Help!
With death, it just feels like the game’s rigged.
But, what if it’s not? What if the game’s no more rigged for death than it is for birth? What if both are miracles? What if our wonder could be reborn in death as it is in birth?
See, there’s an example of coming out on the other side. I always rise. I find the light beyond the darkness by fumbling my way through. Not resisting, but often screaming, crying, wishing death was pretend, and holding hope that this could be a dream—because you know I don’t want to miss out on the important stage of Denial!
At least, I don’t play “Let’s make a deal” anymore. The deal’s been dealt. I got a hand I don’t like, but I’ll play my cards. I’m still in the game. Hell, you never know. I just might win!